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AFTER EACH GOOD BYE
After a while... after each good bye,
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn,
To love for free and love for real.
We swallowed the chaos because we knew we didn't want to be ordinary.
SHIBARI
As I could never go on the surface level of things in my life in any kind of field, and cant live half a life, but everything fully and only, I was never satisfied if I didn't go by myself in the deep core of everything I know now.
When it came to Shibari:
I didn't want the nice picture, I didn't want BDSM, I wanted to learn the real purpose of it and experiencing it by myself.
People mistake about what it is truly from the beginning.
It is a deep Meditation that can be extremely healing if you surrender to it with an open mind.
So I needed an expert, a Shaman, a heart centered man, a healer to whom I had deep trust.
You need this before agreeing being tight of ropes, hanged for 5-6 hours upside down alone in a room without knowing what is happening to you.
For me, all the sessions I did were extremely powerful, all different, & helped me to see parts of myself I knew nothing about in my own psyche and release a lot of past traumas.
It is a whole journey, & something extremely profound happens. I found memories and patterns arising during the session, things I thought I forgot, things that I didn't know were still here kept hidden in parts of my brain. The subconscious mind takes the complete lead. And this is where the deep meditative state happens.
It is accepting to go in a deep vulnerable and surrendered state inside myself, to witness my edges, to witness my deep uncovered shadows . As soon as its tolerated, he knows he can go further on...
You can be 1 meter or 10 meter off the floor, it's the same.
Its an inside AND outer body experience of knowing myself more than just being a physical body or just a mind, as any other meditative practices which leads with time straight to our soul, The Soul.
Is meditation only about sitting still and thinking about nothing?
No, meditation can be found in deep conscious sexuality, in shibari, in staying in nature, in reaching the "zone" as many sportive people sometimes, by singing, repeating mantras or prayers etc...
Meditation is about going to the soul and understanding where we all come from.
Shibari Healing is opening a door in the mind...
Shibari Healing is opening a door in the mind that took me in a space where I felt connected to the sky, to the earth, its jumping in a complete Unknown space, that is about surrender and vulnerability.
Things we were all taught that those were weaknesses and unsafe, but actually it's empowered surrender and going with full consciousness and clear Intention, is where we have hidden a lot of our energy and ressources there.
Is it sexual?
It can be. But it doesn't need to.
Ropes are indeed tight around the sexual organs too, breasts, lingam and yoni, and sexual energy can arise of course. But we work to move this energy. Its not the goal to generate it, and if within a sessionI become aroused, if desires are arising in me or in the shaman, then he takes a break allowing to witness we have this erotic energy moving in us and that is not something to be ashamed or guilty of, but completely natural as we are all sexual beings.
To witness it's coming from ourselves, created by ourselves, so we learn about this beautiful erotic and energy body we live in. And this extremely healing and liberating because it's releasing a lot of fear around our sexuality and it's allowing to be expressed in a healthy way.
We operate in a space where there is no ego, no judgement.
The guide holds a real unconditional loving space where you feel totally safe.
WOMAN
"Woman, I see you breathe
I can smell the very scent of your self doubt
The raw perfume of your hidden pain, behind your mask, so thick, you can barely see through
I see you, unaware of your own ankers
Woman, let go
I see you fall, of course you fall,
How could you not?
Women have been falling for millennium,
because the only way to rise is to know the dirt and the grit of the rot from which we come,
to know our mothers ache, as wombs are whipped open
Be Undone, be Undone.
I see you woman
I see you run
I can smell the heavy scent of your fear, your heart puddling so loud, it hurts my ears
Where are you going? To where do you run?
Let go.
I come unguarded and ready to disarm you
Once you have fallen, once everything you know to be real falls away and even the sight of your own face seem distant,
you will turn to him.
Of course you will.
How could you not, surrender to the dance of love?
Lost again, you strain under the weight of his grip, bond wildly to fight for air, crashed by intellect and opinions
Ideas begin to tame you and you know, woman, you will never find a dare.
I see you standing helpless once more
Cry woman, let your tears bring you down, to rediscover your real inner power
The fall to the core of your being and slowly you wonder if "she will ever come back?", "the woman you once knew so well..." , turned to rot.
Woman, I see you
Let the waterly depth of your own soul rise up to meet you, there your own pain will be washed away and your scent will be cleared from my presence
And I will detect you
I will find you
Wild Woman, be Undone
You are beautiful, you are everything
Woman, I see you
Jaws dropped
Close. stop.
My wildness is your landscape to take
Your Body Earth is for what I wait,
so longing, I have found you
You have found you
Woman, I see you, I see me
To me, you shall return,
My chaos is your poetry."
Mother of all Mothers, Nature
INTERBEINGNESS
Sometimes I wonder if "I" have ever existed.
I am all the people I have met, all the countries I have been to, all the colors I have seen, all the cultures I have merged in, all the feelings, thoughts and emotions that passed through me.
I am all the men I have loved and all the intimacy I have shared with the universe.
I am all the books and poems I have read, the movies I have seen, the songs I have listened to and played on my piano, the music I have danced on.
I am the stories I have written, the world I have created, inspired by my dreams and other worlds.
I am all the flowers I have smelled.
I am all the experiences, all the things my heart yearned for, the laughs and the tears, the pain and the pleasure.
Yes I wonder, I wonder...
Can we speak in flowers.
It will be easier for me to understand.
Earth language, heart language.
THE PATH OF HEALING
The path of healing isn't t linear unfortunately
It's a spiral
For those who are on that path: let's be honest, it is sometimes unbearable
We're all on the same path. Some are aware of their wounds, some are still escaping them in distractions or are always busy with something and never alone. Each of us his rhythm
Sometimes we feel we are done with some patterns, self-sabotage, traumas, unhealthy habits
We move on and face other difficulties of life
and boom...
Someone (especially the ones we love the most) trigger something very deep in us and while we thought we were done with certain sufferings, addictions or bad habits, they, all of a sudden, all come back without being able to control them and we feel we're falling from the highest building of the world
Why?
Because once, younger we found a way to avoid the pain with something else. We all have ways to protect ourselves, maybe at that time it was the only way
But then when the trigger comes and awakes a wound of the past, what do we do? We automatically use the same mechanism of self defense
Unfortunately those mechanisms are more often self destructive and unhealthy but emotional pain can be so unbearable that we'd like to numb it
It takes time to:
- realize that unresolved traumas are stored in our bodies & will pop out again & again in our lives in different ways, different situations with different person, but yet same feeling of pain in order to find RESOLUTION
- being able to see ourselves falling in the same useless & unhealthy, even dangerous way to protect ourselves from that unbearable void & yet still be KIND & COMPASSIONATE to ourselves while we re back to darkness
- decide to go face that deep wound, feel every drop of it even if we feel we ll die of it, even if it will take days or weeks to recover
It takes time
Our mind can lie to us in many different ways, our bodies can't
Aches, tensions, anxiety, fear, bad sleep or insomnias, tiredness, accidents, surgeries, illnesses
Our body speaks to us quite clearly
Time to turn within and heal deeper and move on again
Pain is annoying but it makes us learn, grow and gives us self-knowledge and that's POWER.
DARK GODDESS
There is a dark goddess in my blood
A holy sadness, a sacred anger
She comes around my moon time
She wants me to be aligned
She won't let me lie to myself
She won't like any bullshit from anyone, she is like a medicine journey disguised in poison, a trip to the truth, au naturel.
She makes me feel the pain too strong to ignore her,
She kills my illusions and smokes my numbness,
She makes sure I won't abandon my needs,
She makes sure I honour myself,
She is a gift, and I thank her.
Without her I don't set boundaries,
Without her I could simply settle for something not respecting or good for me.
She is fierce with knowing,
Her knowing is deeply sacred,
She is my oracle,
My dark angel,
I love her
Let’s honor and see the beauty in our sadness and anger they are holy, here for us.
Period have a spiritual meaning, an opportunity to heal.
Its' a resting time to die and reborn more powerful and more aware of who we are as women.
Turn within and listen.
NATURE
Nature has always been for me the best Teacher of Life.
This is why I love loosing myself in it without knowing where I'm going. Something is leading me anyway. And U never find yourself better than when U get lost.
In nature, everything disappears, thoughts calm down until there are none. Confusion transforms into Clarity. Divine stillness appears.
TIME doesn't exist anymore. It’s just a deep entering in the present moment which is Infinite.
In this sacred place, "I".. disappear
"I" am one with the whole. No separation anymore. Out of the Illusion.
I am flowing with it.
I can stay for hours and hours in this meditative state. Its home, its Eternity.
While I’m there, in the deepest point of my/our/The Soul, merging with the entire Universe, I start contemplating Truth
I see the processes of Life, I see us, so lost in our thoughts and fears, so stressed about how to handle this life, unable to stop and see the magic
I see Nature, I see the real Us
Cyclical beings, with inner seasons
Times to turn inward, times to rest
Times to get sick
Times to die
Times to rise, to be up, to thrive & shine
Times to struggle, suffer as hell and fight for survival
Times for reproduction
Times for pleasure
Times for peace
Times for chaos and renewal
Times to reborn again
And this cycle is endless
The little tiny ant will share with you more wisdom than your priest
The stars will be a reflection of u. Looking at yourself as much as u look at them
The caterpillar will show you how hardcore it is to go out of the cocoons they created themselves for months & months, before being able to transform & fly so gracefully as butterflies only for a few days
Roses will show u they need sun, oxygen, water & time to bloom
Trees will show u that the deeper the roots, the higher you go
They will show u that for Creation's Perfection, u have to play ur role in order to flow
Nature has a language, that talks straight to my heart, that doesn't requires any words, any spiritual book, any specific teachings, any analytical theory
In this endless transformation, I know we ARE & will ALWAYS BE.
"Be still a know"
Written by the finite me, inspired by the Infinite Me
Do not touch me and keep your soul out of your fingertips.
Die into me or don't come to me at all.
Depth or nothing.
SENSITIVITY
Sensitivity is divinity. Vulnerability is medicine.
Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods.
To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.
It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled.
There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings.
Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world.
For its those people who, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯, 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 -
and who can 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘮 for those who are 𝘢𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯.
They have visited hell way before you.
For its those people while they dare having the strength to show their soul naked and vulnerable, who inspire you to liberate yourself from your unhealthy conditionings.
Who, while they walk through the fire risking everything they have to fully live, inspire you to follow your dreams.
For its those who still make you believe in Love.
Who give Art to the world.
Poetry, books, theaters, music, songs, dancing, paintings, singing, would never exist without emotions and feelings.
You wouldn't feel the 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵
Cut this, and see how sad the world would be.
Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.
Emotions and feelings are like a rainbow in the middle of a grey sky.
YONI
Yoni is a Sanskrit word योिन which means " sacred portal" & also the female sexual organ (vulva, vagina, womb)
Stop for a moment & reflect on that concept
The vagina as a sacred temple, as a source of life & divine passage
In Tantra, the Yoni is celebrated & adored as the manifestation of the sacred feminine, as the gateway to nature for all births & for everything that exists in the world
What does our culture, society & religion teach us about our Yoni?
It is often objectified, trivialized, sexualized, without taking consideration of its high value
It is connected to ur digestion, to ur brain, to ur emotions, to the way u express yourself, the way u breathe, to ur posture, ur nervous system, to the quality & depth of ur life, to the connection u have with yourself & others
Understanding this part of ur body is one of the hugest gift u, as a woman, can make to yourself
People keep on talking about "health"..
But I still see millions of women around the globe suffering during sexual interaction, having incommensurable pain during &/or after ovulation, before period & during period, or in worse case suffering of endometriosis, causing for some the will to suicide
I still see female genital mutilation in some countries & lets not talk about the amounts of rapes happening in ALL countries whereas poor or rich, educated or not
I still see women having no clue how to give birth & live a complete trauma during what is supposed to be the most magical moment of their lives, causing them tearing & pain for a lifetime
I still see 80-90% of women faking orgasms or not knowing anything more than poor clitoris orgasms, causing a lot of subconscious frustration & harm
Yet, everybody remain SILENT
So yes I will keep on repeating myself & keep on giving courses about it until my last breath, until schools put into their courses how to take care of the most important part of the woman's body, without putting it aside for a stupid lack of knowledge & lets call a cat a cat, for a simple lack of "bowls"
In 2020, I believe ALL women should love to be Women, without suffering of it with NO shame
And 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 is supposed to be called 𝑵𝑶𝑹𝑴𝑨𝑳.
End of story.
SEX
You do not know what you are missing by your microscopic examination of sexual activity to the exclusion of aspects which are fuel that ignites it.
Intellectual, imaginative, romantic, emotional. This is what gives sex its surprising textures, its subtle transformations, its aphrodisiac elements.
You are shrinking your world of sensations. You are withering it, starving it, draining its blood.
Reality doesn't impress me at all. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.
Women, be Women.
By defining, you annihilate
What we don't need in the midst of struggle, is shame for being human.
ROMANTIQUE
Because Love will always be.
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
"Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love”.
Hating is for the weak.
Dare loving.
THE CALL OF MY HEART
My feelings made me travel the world & dive deep within myself, meeting hundreds of galaxies & different worlds, jumping everyday in an Unknown I love to explore, where I keep on falling & rebirthing again & again.
Because how could I ever know the steps of a dance that has never been danced before me? How could I know the way of a path that hasn't been walked on before?
I never wanted the safety everybody chase because of fear. I want the fear that comes from real Living.
I have known longing in my bones for places I’ve never been & people I’ve never met.
I've fallen in love with strangers, in the split second that our eyes met, as we passed each other by. I have felt my heart break into a million tiny shards, sent skyward, scattered by the wind of unspoken words, and I have stitched it softly back together, over & over again.
I have let passion bring me to my knees, its hungry fire burning and ravaging the forests of my heart. I have stared deep into the abyss of my own emptiness, and filled it with wine and scribbled notes, written in the ink of my soul.
I have let oceans cascade down my cheeks, cleansing and healing me with their warm, salty tidal waves of release. I have been lit up with an iridescence that has shone from every pore, and I’ve discovered dark, sacred corners of myself, piled high with old fears and wounds, like dusty bones.
I’ve danced all night with my shadows, & I’ve set the world on fire with the determination of my spirit. I’ve felt the collective suffering of every being that has ever lived, and I have known the silent peace found in the stillness of old forests.
I’ve held the world to my chest and cried for it; loved it, laughed with it, and felt lost within it, all at once.
I have felt the burning stab of rejection by not being seen or heard, and I have responded by expanding my heart to embrace the universe and all the stars. I have known infinite freedom beyond fear, and I have wrestled wolves of self-doubt to the death.
I have breathed in the world and all its innocent magic, with delicate tenderness. I have swum in seas of Love, so deep and so wild that I nearly drowned.
Me, Forever Undone.
BELIEVE/ DONT BELIEVE
Don’t believe u identified me in any kind of way
Don’t believe u have a tiny idea of who I could be
Don’t believe because I made mistakes, I am the bad one & don’t believe because I help people, I am the good one neither
Don’t believe because u saw me acting like shit once, I am not thriving now & don’t believe because I know success, it will last forever
Don’t believe because u saw me cry yesterday, I am not singing today & don’t believe because u saw me smiling last week, I am not at rage today
Don’t believe because I lied to u once, I am not on my path of Truth & don’t believe because I practice honesty, I don’t fail sometimes neither
Don’t believe because I was mad at u yesterday, I still am today & don’t believe because I was in love with u, I am not at war with u today neither
Don’t believe because I acted like a drama queen for a while, I am not laughing at it now
Don’t believe because u saw me complaining I don’t go each night to bed with infinite gratitude for my life
Don’t believe because u see me smile, I am not crying alone like a little abandoned child some days neither
Don’t believe because u see me tough, rebellious & strong, I am not also fragile or broken into pieces
Don’t believe because I got hurt by u, I am not grateful for all that it taught meDon’t believe because I look like a mess sometimes, I am not happy as hell
Don’t believe because I can look crazy, I am not extremely wise & don’t believe because I can look wise, I am not reaching the top 1 of madness
Don’t believe because I allow myself to be free, I am not working hard on removing patterns
Don’t believe because I look angelic, I don’t have a dirty mind & don’t believe because I experienced dirt, I am not in a place of Heave
Don’t believe I am not aware & sorry for my sins & don’t believe I am not aware of my glory neither
Dont believe I know anything more than u do & dont believe there is any reason for that text To be written, as there is no real reason for u to do what u do now neither
Dont believe I play the smart because the more I know the less I do
Basically don't believe anything of me because there is nothing to believe in
Don't try to figure anything out because there is nothing to figure out
Don't believe I even exist, because this is just an idea, a vague projection that u have in ur mind
But don't believe I take or ever took myself seriously either, because I absolutely don't
Believe that I am writing from that place, beyond time, beyond space, beyond stores & thoughts, beyond breath, that place in my heart, where the only universal Truth resides, that place of joy, infinite Love & peace, where I am & we all are already dead
Believe that I got invited by the Divine to live this life, this beautiful & painful lie, same as u & believe that I bow in humble reverence in front of such genius miracle
Believe I know this is just a game
Believe that whatever happens, I love u cause u are me
The Mirror of Yourself
18/ 125
Publishing one old text every now and then :)
